I'm kind of learning that no matter what you do or say as a single male, it's always going to be interpreted differently than it was intended to be. For instance, hypothetically speaking, a single male asked a single female to attend the wedding of one of his friends. The male is thinking, "This is a great opportunity to get to know her better, see old friends, and have a fun weekend." She, on the other hand, thinks, "Oh no! Does he like me? Is he going to ask me out? How do I feel about him? Will it make things awkward between us if I go and he does ask me out? Or will it be more awkward if I don't go and he was hoping to ask me out? What are the chances he just wants to be friends?"
The margin of error, then, lies not in the interpretations of the afformentioned message of communication, but how that message was transmitted from the male to the female. When the guy said, "What are you doing on [insert date of wedding here]?" the reply given was, "I don't know. That's a long ways away. Why?" The male then responds, "Well one of my friends is having this thing called a wedding, and I was wondering if you would go?" To this point the male believes he's kept it very casual and unawkward by not saying things like "with me" or "be my date." The reply given by the female, however, goes like this: "Umm...[long pause]. I'm not sure... [long pause]." At which point the male then says, "If you don't want to go, that's fine. I jus thought I'd ask," again trying to not make it awkward and keep it a low key request. She then says, "i just want to think about it for a while."
From all the past experiences from the male's perspective, this means ONLY one thing. What it means to this perticular female is yet unknown. In the past however, it has meant, "I don't want to hurt you, but NO."
While awaiting the response, the male begins to over-analyze the situation and question the way he presented the request. His early conclusion is that she will refuse to go, appologyze for not going, then not want to spend time together in the future so as to avoid any awkward situations, thus ruining the friendship and any hope or possibility for soemthing more.
Now remember, this is all hypothetical. And apparently people do actually read this thing, so don't go around telling people you know who this is about and what the real story is because in all honesty, you probably don't.

a little mellow-dramatic

So I know not too many people read this, but right now I thought I would take advantage of the isolated knowledge of this blog.

At this point in my life I am what most people call a young adult. I am 22. Legal in every country to drink, smoke, gamble, etc. I am finding that with this relatively new stage in life comes new responsibilities and expectations. I'm not talking about voting or working. This entry is solely about the aspect of relationships.

Being in young adulthood, I've come to realize that in terms of relationships, it is commonly expected of a male, such as myself, to pursue the female, woo her, establish the grounds for the relationship, and be completely dependable for her to "lean on." There is no longer room for the guy to be completely care-free, immature, etc. I am to be completely aware of expectations from others, take them into consideration and be able to, at any given moment, defend my reasons for being in a relationship and my thoughts on the seriousness and longevity of that relationship. Girl's no longer want to just "have" a boyfriend; they want stability, security as well as the fun and surprises.

So where does that leave me? Am I forced to mature beyond my time, or am I forced to catch up to where I should be? Part of me feels ready to once again be able to pursue a relationship. Yet there is just as big a part of me that wants to be free, be immature and care-free without the need to worry what someone else will think or how they will react. Yes, I've had many "crushes" and met girls I think I like, and yet none of them have so far brought me to a place of actually thinking that I can or sometimes even want to go through the necessary changes in life it takes at this point to be in a meaningful relationship.

I could probably ramble on for a long time. The reason I am writing this is because I currently like someone, and am having to face not only these questions and situations, but also many more regarding her, her stage in life, her perception of me, etc. I just really don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was able to skip through my life and get to the part where things don't seem to hard. You know, just after the lifeline has gone flat. That way I wouldn't have to deal the the utter agony of relationships.

I am me.

I cannot believe that I'm being chastized by someone about an issue they weren't even involved in. I realize the are concerned for the other person involved, seeing as they are engaged, but come on! If you feel like you are mature and responsible enough to be married then you should at least have the maturity to address your own issues and concerns with me to me! FRIG! Tell me you have a problem with me yourself! As for the other one chastizing me...were you asked to do so by this other person? Do you honestly think that I am not aware that what I say has an effect on other people? I said what I said and in the manner I did not to tear them down. I was not trying to evoke a sense of guilt or shame on them. They simply are not used to someone actually standing up and disagreeing with what they're saying. You're intended future spouse walks over you without you realizing it. You let them force their opinions on you, and you simply allow it to happen because you say that you love them. Well SHIT! I'm not the one marrying them, I am not going to compromise what I think for their sake, and I certainly am not going to be made to feel guilty about being who I am.

The BIG 8

EIGHT LASTS:
1. Last kiss: on stage with Amie Vermeer
2. last beverage: high quality H2O
3. last phone call: my brother to get a password for a new computer program
4. last text message: never, dont have a cell phone!
5. last cd played: johnny cash - live from folsom prison
6. last BUBBLE bath: i don't recall
7. last time you cried: not too sure on that one either
8. last meal: kraft dinner

SEVEN have yous
1. have you ever dated someone twice?: yes
2. have you ever been cheated on?: yes
3. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?: yes
4. have you ever fallen in love?: yes
5. have you ever lost someone?: yes
6. have you ever been depressed?: more often than i would like
7. have you ever peed your pants?: heck yes. you're not cool unless you pee your pants

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Went to school: does today count?
2. Went to work: yes
3. Colored: does paint program on the computer count?
4. Got High: altitude wise or other?
5. Got drunk: no
6. Slept: yes, and i didn't get enough

FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to:
1. Laurie
2. Nate
3. Ryan
4. Mel
5. not sure on the last one

FOUR things that you can't live without:
1. family
2. friends
3. food
4. water

THREE favorite colors.
1. pink
2. blue
3. silver

TWO things you want to do before you die
1. backpack across europe
2. go rock climbing in swtizerland

ONE thing you regret
1. not studying enough

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